How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Three Of Four)
In this episode, we answer the question of how we limit our power in the context of our beliefs and attitudes toward other people. Our ability to influence acts as a force multiplier in getting things done, especially important things. We'll look at the ways we build and lose that ability.
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How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Three Of Four)
In this four-part series, we are using the Eye of Power model to examine how our emotions limit our power. We will move into the third quadrant, which is defined by our attitude as it relates to others. Accordingly, we will call this quadrant the people quadrant. Here, we look at what we perceive and believe that affects our feelings about people.
In this quadrant, we find the ways and means by which we may all align with people to achieve mutual benefit. People are in this regard like power amplifiers. They take the relatively small signal of our objectives and capacities and increase them perhaps very dramatically. Here, we may shed the limits of the 24 hours we all have every day. We open up the possibility of accomplishment that far exceeds the limits of a single human mind or even a single lifetime.
To do these things, we must resonate with the values of others. We must ascribe similar values to the same things as they do. Does that include everyone? Hardly ever. The people with whom we may fruitfully align are the people who share desired outcomes. Whether our goal involves one other person or an entire nation, we need others. This means our power is tethered to our ability to do two things. First, how well we clarify our values, and second, our ability to communicate them effectively. The levels we can do these to determine how successfully we can inspire other people to dedicate their energies to shared projects and causes.
Our power is tethered to our ability to do two things: how well we clarify our values and our ability to communicate them effectively.
These abilities are truly a superpower. People who excel at this change hearts and minds. While it can be used for purposes that don't benefit everybody, this aspect of leadership also marks the path to a better future. These are among the most valuable attributes, and we can always improve them. What are the emotions that lead to improvement, and what are the emotions that hold us back in both our clarity of values and the level we can communicate?
We will answer that with one word. It captures the range of emotions pertinent here. That word is condemnation. It's not mere judgment. We must judge our values require it. Condemnation takes judgment to another level. It includes the emotions of revulsion, disgust, resentment, anger, and even fear. It implies a form of exclusion. Even banishment. Emotion is limiting when we ascribe permanent labels to human beings. This is the root of bigotry.
How Emotions Limit Power: Emotions are limiting when we ascribe permanent labels to human beings. This is the root of bigotry.
Researchers in behavioral psychology claim these emotions are hardwired into our brains. They explain their existence by way of evolutionary forces From most of history. The theory goes that humans have been organized into tribes. The primary threats for those tribes were not predators or even forces of nature. They were other tribes. Tribes came into conflict as they competed for resources. The emotions that lead us to prefer our tribe to others serve a strong purpose. Loyalty to one's tribe was a necessary survival strategy.
We still have tribes. Our immediate family is a micro tribe, but we don't have the same evolutionary pressures. Civilization is built upon vast cooperative networks. The emotions remain even though the reasons for them don't exactly apply. Sometimes, those emotions serve us and sometimes, they limit us. We have a word for the prevailing emotions in group culture. It's defined in many ways.
For our purposes, let's consider culture, these shared notions of what is good and acceptable in our behaviors and what is not. We are also members of numerous groups. We, therefore, participate in multiple cultures. This is a complicating factor that muddies our picture. As a result, we apply expectations in settings where, while they may be appropriate, let's say at the level of immediate family, they do not pertain to the team in our workplace, our neighbors, or our fellow citizens. We can misstep whenever we apply expectations from any of our groups to any other. This comes into play in the thousands of decisions we make every day.
It guides our answers to questions like, what is the appropriate amount of intimacy with this person? What should I share? What should I withhold? Get answers to questions such as these wrong either with too much or too little sharing, and we reduce our influence and thus our power. Let's talk a little bit more about culture.
Like judgment, it's not optional. When we act as a group, there's always a culture. As we established here, we will consider it the shared notions that beget a set of behaviors, attitudes, and actions, which are considered acceptable and good within the group versus those that are not. There is variance between people within a culture and between different groups as it relates to these values. In the context of culture, not all values are created equal, some enhance team function and others suppress it.
We consider those groups that function at high levels relative to others as healthy. When the shared values harm the group, perhaps benefiting a few at the expense of the whole, we don't feel as good about it. How can we tell the difference? Fortunately, we don't have to start from scratch. This is well-traveled turf. There are universal qualities that describe and contribute to the poles between thriving and toxic. Most organizations experience a mixed bag. Nevertheless, we can describe healthy organizations as environments of high trust, open communication, clarity of purpose, and mutual respect.
Toxic environments feature every person for themselves, attitude, murkiness of mission, devaluation of team members, political maneuvering, and closed communication. As a general rule, people don't aim to create a toxic environment like an untended garden. Cultures that suppress human potential arise from neglect. People rarely intentionally harm an organization or its culture. Damage generally happens because team members are unaware of or underappreciate the ways they cause it.
People don't aim to create a toxic environment like an untended garden. Cultures that suppress human potential arise from neglect.
One thing we invariably do is sit in judgment of others. As we saw, this is not in itself a bad thing because if we are to have standards, we must judge. The limiting emotion of condemnation is one of scale. We condemn when judgment goes unchecked, possibly mixed with the other dangerous emotions that build enmity.
For our purposes, we distinguish between judgment and condemnation by whether we emotionally or physically exclude someone. The moment we do that, we lose the ability to positively influence the person and us. It isn't that we never condemn when a person is a true threat. It's that we don't habitually or unconsciously condemn, especially emotionally. This is important because, to a high degree, we are products of our environment. We feel social pressure from the culture in our organizations. This pressure shapes our attitudes and behaviors we both influence and are influenced.
Group dynamics are complicated dance. It’s largely driven by personality. Under those conditions, how does a group ever improve? The answer is leadership. The very highest priority for leaders, no matter the specifics of organizational mission and dynamics, is to attend to organizational culture. It's not easy. It's never convenient. That's why it's so often missing. It requires the emotional intelligence of self-reflection, empathy, and discipline.
Effectively, tending culture means a considerable investment of time and the willingness to have tough conversations. Organizations with healthy cultures have leaders with these qualities where they are lacking, and culture always suffers. If we wish to increase our power in the people quadrant, we must think of ourselves as leaders. That doesn't mean we must have authority. We simply need to build the habit and discipline of improving the clarity of our values and our ability to communicate them.
How Emotions Limit Power: We grow and learn by doing, experimenting, and iterating to get better results next time.
They need to become more and more aligned with the objectives of the whole. Like all positive change, it begins with awareness and a decision to take positive action. We grow and learn by doing, experimenting, and iterating to get better results next time. We shorten our learning curve by paying attention to what others have done to get superior results. No matter our experience, status, or level of accomplishment, we all have plenty of room for improvement in this regard. It's time to look, listen, and learn together. Let's go.