How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Two Of Four)

In this episode, we look at our perceptions about ourselves and how they can unintentionally create limits to our personal power. We also look at a few ways that we can lessen this effect.

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How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Two Of Four)

In episode seven, we identified consternation as the primary limiting emotion in the actions we take on behalf of ourselves, as defined in the first quadrant of the Eye Of Power model, The Pain Quadrant. In this episode, we remain focused upon energies directed inward toward ourselves, but we shift from actions to attitudes. This quadrant is called The Perception Quadrant. In it are the thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves.

We also spoke about the role of confidence in prescribing the limits of our power. Confidence is certainly a function of self-image and belief. Accordingly, that attribute plays a part in the perception quadrant. When we're confident, our perceptions include a self-image that says, “I can do that.” There is much more to the totality of our self-image, however. The beliefs we have about ourselves drive our motivations, values, and behaviors, and even affect our self-directed acumen and how clearly we receive ourselves in the world.

The dynamics of this internal landscape comprised the bulk of the science of psychology. In the Eye Of Power, we're not psychoanalyzing. We simply look at the limits we place upon our personal power, especially those we can influence, adjust, or transform to enact desirable change if we only knew what to do and decide to apply ourselves. To expand our self-perception and thus our power, we begin with an important question, “What am I doing?”

It seems a simple question. We can answer it from the point of view of various roles we have in life, as in, “I'm raising my children. I'm serving my clients.” We can answer it from the perspective of the things we do out of necessity, “I'm earning money. I'm helping a friend.” We can also answer it from the perspective of the things that interest us, “I'm reading my favorite author. I'm fashioning earrings from beads and silver thread.” The possibilities are nearly limitless, but we are not, are we?

What are the inevitable limits on our self-perception and our decisions about what we can do? First, we don't know what we don't know. As beings of limited perceptive powers, the things we don't know represent a lot of the world, most of it actually. Perhaps, counterintuitively, the same is true in our internal worlds. To an alarming degree, we are mysteries to ourselves.

Second, what we think we know does not exactly match reality. We go through this world with all manner of misapprehension and belief that is not only incorrect but self-limiting. Often, the beliefs in this area are overly critical of our own capacities and potential. As we go through life, we inevitably fall short of expectations, both our own and others. This tends to produce emotions that do not feel good. We compensate to limit or avoid repeating the experience.

How Emotions Limit Power: As we go through life, we inevitably fall short of expectations, both our own and others. This tends to produce emotions that do not feel good, and we compensate to limit or avoid repeating the experience.

One of the methods we use to do that is to adopt beliefs about ourselves along the lines of, “I'm just not any good at that. That's not me.” We take that belief seriously, even if it's not completely accurate. We might do better the second time we try or with concerted efforts to improve. Nevertheless, as long as we hold on to that belief, right or wrong as we may be, our circle of possibility and, thus, power is smaller. If we do this with regularity, our power contracts. Have you felt powerless in your life, especially as it relates to making a personal change? How does that feel? What are the prevailing emotions? Frustration, certainly, and in extreme cases, hopelessness?

We don't feel good about ourselves and we use negative language to describe ourselves. It's not a fun place to be. We'll call this place a state of confusion. It's the opposite of clarity. Confusion saps our power as we expend our energy in this direction and that. Sometimes, it cross purposes. This can be exhausting. Working against ourselves can feel like a trap or prison. We can feel resentful, despondent, or angry. We might lash out at others. This can create a negative feedback loop. That road is a path straight to hell.

We could wax philosophical at this point. Don't worry, we won't. We just need to acknowledge that there are legitimate reasons. We are where we are. As we saw in Quadrant 1, the path forward begins with awareness. We need to apply discipline and gain insights about how our beliefs lead us to bleed our power. The next step is acceptance.

The path forward begins with awareness.

“What, acceptance? I don't want to accept. I want to change.” I agree, but acceptance opens a pressure valve. We don't have to wallow in the mire we just described. When we accept, we open up the ability to forgive. We begin to break the downward spiral. There's another way we can lessen the self-recriminating and disorienting traps of confusion. It's maintaining a higher quality and more powerful sense of perspective. Do you know the best way to do that? Lighten up and laugh.

We can cultivate a sense of humor, especially about ourselves. This is old and established wisdom. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. That's a paraphrase of a Yiddish Proverb made famous by Woody Allen. Here's another, “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble in the road.” That was Henry Ward Beecher. It's as true nowadays as it was before modern automobiles.

When we lighten up and find humor in ourselves, we break the negative spiral.

When we lighten up and find humor about ourselves, we break the negative spiral. We enjoy a sense of playfulness. This opens us up to possibility. We will be more likely to try new things, take risks, and not worry so much about how we might look in so doing. We can experiment and, thus, learn. That's the whole point of our path to power, learning and growing. We learn best by doing, trying, and putting ourselves out there. In the coming episodes, we will look at the knowledge piece of the equation, reducing confusion and increasing clarity a lot. For now, let's work on lightening up. What seems dire will pass? The past is past. We, humans, are funny creatures. It's because of the paradoxes and polarities in nearly everything. We laugh as a response to a fresh perspective. That's usually a very powerful thing.