How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Four Of Four)
In this fourth part of the series in which we explore the emotions that tend to limit our personal power, we look at the actions we take on behalf of others. How do we find and build a sense of purpose? What stops us? What can we do when we don't feel motivated or valuable? Listen for answers to these questions.
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How Do Our Emotions Limit Our Power? (Part Four Of Four)
In this four-part series wherein we've been looking at how our emotions can limit our power, we've now come to the fourth quadrant in the Eye of Power model. Here, we consider the actions we take that affect other people. While some of those actions we wouldn't necessarily classify as service, the things we do to assist or benefit others is the basis for our ability to earn a living and cultivate relationships. The things we're able to do that others find valuable enhance our own sense of worth. Even when we consider all people as equally valuable and unique individuals, our contribution to others, nevertheless, distinguishes us. What we do over the course of time becomes our signature and our personal brand.
When others associate our brand with the level of quality that the marketplace finds acceptable, even desirable, we respond emotionally with a sense of satisfaction. We may even become enthusiastic about our skills and abilities and work to strengthen them. This creates a positive feedback loop that we can consider, at least to some degree, as purpose. Our sense of purpose builds as we produce more and more tangible beneficial effects. Purpose unleashes power. It gives us the energy to act when we're tired. It keeps us focused even when competing interests vie for our attention and energy. The amount of personal power we manifest in our lives is directly correlated to the intensity of our sense of purpose. That's why we call this quadrant the purpose quadrant.
Purpose unleashes power. The amount of personal power we manifest in our lives is directly correlated to the intensity of our sense of purpose.
While we've been talking about purpose, it's worth a closer look. What is purpose? When we say something has a purpose, we mean it does what it's made to do. We can expand on that. We can also think of it as an application of energy to ends we find valuable in some way. When we expend our energy in a manner that feels like we're doing what we were born to do, we feel purposeful. When we don't feel that way, our energy suffers, doesn't it? Have you ever felt demotivated, listless, unappreciated, and even invisible? How purposeful and powerful do you feel when it seems that what you do has no real impact on others? What are the emotions that come along with these experiences?
We might feel disconnected, misunderstood, alienated, and alone. If it persists, this state can lead to a downward spiral. We can become cynical and resentful. These are dark emotions. They swim directly against our healthiest and highest impulses. It's the place from which much of society's ills emerge. The word we use in the Eye of Power to capture all of that is carelessness. We're not talking about carelessness as in carefree or not paying attention to detail, but rather a state of not caring. It's a place we might visit by occasional circumstances, but it's no place to linger. Life is far more enjoyable and fulfilling when we cultivate purpose. Many of us do just that, yet I'm dismayed by how many people don't.
During my years of training people in interpersonal communication skills, I noticed a frustrating trend. By building skill with this or that communication technique, people would experience improvements, sometimes manifesting significant results like landing a big sale or an exciting promotion, and then we wouldn't see them even though they had paid for continuing sessions. We were primarily working with how to communicate.
I found much more power in a different question. Why? People with a strong why will figure out the how. If they don't have a clear answer to why they do what they do in terms that emotionally matter to them and others, no methodology will make a sustained dramatic positive impact. Some people find and sustain their whys early. Others of us never feel like we've connected to it. If I ask you, what's your purpose? How would you answer? Why is that important? If the answers come quickly to mind, congratulations. You are connected to purpose and it has probably served not only you but the rest of the world as well. What if the answers aren't so obvious? What are we supposed to do in that case?
How Emotions Limit Power: People with a strong WHY will figure out the HOW.
If you read other parts in this series, you may notice a trend in my answers to questions like that. Our intentional positive change always begins with awareness. In the case of purpose, we become aware of the things we can do better, relatively speaking than others. Maybe it's what we notice. Maybe it's reliable feedback from others. In any case, once we see a worthy direction for our energy, the next step is intention. We make a definite decision to work on those things to increase our skills, abilities, and competitive value.
Next, we find ways to leverage them. We start doing, then we continue to learn by remaining open to feedback, learning, and iterating. Doing this over time creates a high-quality experience. This is one thing the marketplace greatly values, the ability to deliver tangible results reliably and repeatedly. This is one reason why we enjoy sports figures and entertainers so much. They remind us of what is possible for people to do in dramatic fashion. Not all of us can sing like Carrie Underwood or hit a baseball like Aaron Judge, but we can all marshal the unique set of qualities within ourselves. We can strive to stretch in the ways we've been discussing throughout this four-part series. We can build our brand into something others value. That feels good, purposeful, and powerful.
Our potential is a continuum. We never reach the end unless we stop trying.
In upcoming episodes, we'll look at more ways to invest our attention and energy to increase our power. None of us can do it all at once. We do best by picking the one area where we sense we'll be able to make the biggest difference now and working there. As long as we move forward, we'll feel like we're on track. It isn't a race. Our potential is a continuum. We never reach the end unless we stop trying, but that's not us, is it? We're growing. We're learning together. Let's go.