What We Can And What We Can't Control - Interview With Geneva Robinette

This is a first for the Eye of Power podcast - an interview episode. My daughter experienced a few curveballs in her return from Seoul, Korea, and we had to figure out some ways to turns some lemons into lemonade. Hopefully, our conversation has a few dos and don’ts that will be valuable for you the next time things don’t go as planned!

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What We Can And What We Can't Control - Interview With Geneva Robinette

This episode of the show is a little different than normal. I'm sitting in a hotel room in Niagara Falls, New York with my daughter Geneva. This episode is different in a couple of ways. First, we have a guest. I've not done that before. Second, it's not a scripted episode, which all the others have been. Third, it's an interview. What we're going to do is talk a little bit about why we're going to sit here and talk. The story of what brought us here is pertinent to what we talk about a lot in the show. How do we maximize our agency? How do we have our power? What do we do? What are the things that we can do differently and think differently that maximize what we want to do?

We'll start with some background here as to how we got here. Geneva, do you want to tell your story about how you were in Seoul, Korea, and you were trying to get home? She was going to fly into JFK, connecting through Toronto. I was going to pick you up Sunday night late and then drive up to my brother's, Geneva's uncle's, place in Old Saybrook, Connecticut. It didn't work out so well.

There's been a few wrenches thrown in that plan ever since we first conceived it. I was meant to fly out Sunday night to New York. I was unable to make that flight as US Customs closed in the Toronto airport, which was not something I was aware could be a roadblock. I was forced to arrange other accommodations and rebook a flight for the next evening, which was the next available flight.

This flight also ended up being canceled and I was stranded in Toronto for yet another night. I finally decided that it was within my rights to give up on flying altogether and book a bus ticket to try and meet my dad in Niagara Falls. That was what ended up being the best option out of all of the best-laid plans that we had along the way.

You were in danger of wanting to get home at some point. What was at least important was that this was going to be your last chance to visit them, my brother and his family, in Connecticut before you go down to Gainesville to the University of Florida for your vet school. Once you do that, who knows what your schedule will be? This is the last time, so it felt like an extra special miss out.

It's one thing to be stuck for a little bit. It's another thing to miss out on seeing your family and not being able to do that. I thought it was important enough to come to get you even though it was much further there than it would've been for your mom, my wife, Kathleen, to come get you, go to Harrisburg, and be done with it. It was close to that. I thought it was something that we should do.

I thought the whole exercise was an example of how there are certain things you can't control. We can't control the weather. We can't control when customs close. We can control some things. You did pretty well, but not maybe 100% well. You were frazzled and had some issues. It was hard, but you used a process to try to maximize the quality of your decisions. Would you say that's true?

Control: There are certain things we can’t control, but we can control some things.

I would agree.

Let’s talk those through. First of all, on a thirteen-plus hour flight, you are already distressed. You left your husband behind in Seoul. You're not going to see him for another six months plus or whatever it is and you throw that travel in. You're not starting at 100%, and then you get a curve ball like that.

My plane from Seoul was delayed by 30 minutes, which was honestly what caused all of the issues to begin with. I only had an hour's layover in Toronto to find my next destination. By the time I got there, I was fifteen minutes shy of US customs closing. I had to go through Canadian customs instead after a thirteen-and-a-half-hour flight not knowing where I was or what time of day it was anymore. The first curve ball was figuring out where to even go for help.

There were hundreds of people who were stranded by the fact that US Customs had closed and they no longer could get to their flights. There was a huge crowd of people around every person that looked official. It was at least an hour's wait to talk to anybody that might be able to help. I ended up wandering the airport until I found my way out of it in order to even go back to the beginning where you checked in.

Let's walk through the process here. The theme of this episode is our power. This could happen to anybody. You get news. What are the things looking back at the experience thus far that you'd say, “I give myself a gold star.” What are the things you'd say, “I'd like to do this a little bit better.” Let’s talk about those two things and see if we can find the gold nuggets here.

I would give myself gold stars in perception, being able to read the situation that I was in and figure out how to talk to people to make it most effective to get help. When I would walk up to somebody in uniform, I would say, “I need help. I would like to know if you know where I can get help,” rather than asking them immediately for something. I found that people were more receptive to that.

You learned how to get help. You made it easier on the person you're asking for help from. That’s a lesson that we can apply. We all need help. We all can't see our own blind spots. We rely on experts. We rely on people in authority. People have the power, people have the skills, or whatever might be that we need them to do something for us. It's better if we help them help us. Is that what you're finding out there?

We all need help. We all can't see our own blind spots.

Yeah. I was allowing somebody to take their own initiative to help me rather than demanding that they help me.

That is different at least for most of the other people there.

There were lots of very upset people in the Toronto Airport for the last 3 to 4 days.

I would think so. That's a good takeaway. What else?

Another facet of perception was the ability to take information about what was going on around me. As I was sitting in the airport watching all of the flights get canceled throughout the day due to bad weather or other airport mishaps, I realized with dwindling hope that my flight would probably get canceled. I ended up taking an initiative that was a risk. I left the airport gate to get on my flight as it was delayed but not canceled without a way to get back because I decided that I needed to get my baggage in order to get out of Canada.

You had to keep your options open.

By trying to keep my options open, I threw out the option of being on a flight to JFK. I threw out the original plan that was supposed to be the easiest option.

That's why we had a flight from there to start with. It's way easier to get an hour and a half flight than it is to drive however many hours or get on a bus or a train. Those are not quick things.

I knew intuitively that my flight was not leaving that evening. The weather was not looking any better in Northeast America. They had canceled flights to the Northeast all day long.

You had incomplete information, but you decided to go with the best conclusion you could come based on the information you had.

I was forced to make assumptions based on incomplete information. There was a component of fear in that because I was walking away from the direct path home. I didn’t have a plan to get home. I had my luggage and everything I needed in order to make a plan to get home, but nothing was set in stone.

What lessons would you say you took from that part of the experience?

Control: Choosing a path that may be uncertain but ultimately leads to more opportunities, while scary, may benefit you more than choosing the safest, easiest path.

Choosing a path that may be uncertain ultimately leads to more opportunities. While scary may benefit you more than choosing the safest, easiest path, you may not be able to see to the end of the uncertain path but you know you are presented with more opportunities. It's always important to keep your options open in life and keep your eyes scanning for whatever may fall in front of you.

Keep your options open in life.

I can see that being a benefit. Certainly, that led us to where we are sitting. We like the way that came out. That can also not necessarily work out the right way, too. It can go both ways. You are taking a risk. There is a sacrifice when we make any decision. Wouldn't you say that's true?

Absolutely.

You have to make a call and you have to go with it.

Those decisions are frequently made based on assumptions and partial information, but that is navigating life. You hardly ever have the full picture.

What other things can you think of as far as lessons in this particular episode of life?

I learned that people form bonds over emotions far easier than over a cup of coffee. Everyone was feeling the same way in this airport. Everyone is frustrated, tired, and desperate to get to whatever location they're trying to reach. Everyone is ramming into the same brick wall of flights being canceled and being stuck in that airport.

I was able to get stories and create friendships with people around me that I would not have otherwise. You have this camaraderie with people who are all in the same boat as you. If you listen to other people, you'll find more similarities between yourself and others than you were likely to be expecting in the first place.

That's a wonderful experience to have. People are predisposed to help each other. We can have a lot of negatives. There were people upset and you probably didn't want to go anywhere near them that time. There are people that cope in different ways. One other thing I thought looking at it from my perspective was that you were relying on your support network. You weren't sitting there suffering by yourself. Talk about that a little bit.

I was relying on every support that I had in my life. I spent five hours on FaceTime with my brother while I was sitting in the airport. I was on the phone with both my mom and my dad, constantly giving them updates, asking for advice, and even trying to keep emotionally stable by talking to them. I was talking to my other friends and asking about their experiences with travel. I was trying to help gain more jigsaw puzzle pieces to try and create a picture out of other people's experiences. I was doing that with my own support network and the network I was creating at the airport.

That's one of the things that I thought was a good takeaway from this chapter. It is how important we are to each other in our lives. You never know when things are going to happen. We need each other. That's part of the community that we're building where we build our muscles in terms of helping others and allowing ourselves to be helped by others. Together, we're stronger. We can't see our own blind spots. We need help so we have to be generous, vulnerable, willing to sacrifice, willing to help, and willing to give up things.

For me, it wasn't much of a sacrifice to drive the seven hours to get here to be with you. We had a wonderful time walking around, having a couple of nice meals, and seeing the amazing sights of the power of creation with amazing falls here. It is humbling. It was a nice experience we had together. We'll drive back and get our vacation back on track. It will maybe be a 48-hour episode but one that I know personally I'll learn from. It sounds like you will, too.

It was an exercise in mental reframing.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I appreciate that. Thank you for tuning in, everybody. Hopefully, you have a little bit of a gold nugget or two that you can apply. The next time you have a lemon in your life, maybe you'll think in terms of ways that you can rely on other people and end up making some lemonade together. We'll end this first interview episode of the show with our weekly encouragement to let's go.