The Anatomy Of Respect - How Do We Build Respect For Ourselves And Others?

Respect. Its foundational. Its required, if we wish to live the best life. Its required, if we want to build the best organizations and society we can. What goes wrong when its missing? How can we cultivate it so we can build cultures of trust? In todays episode, we explore these questions.

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The Anatomy Of Respect - How Do We Build Respect For Ourselves And Others?

Has anyone ever accused you of disrespecting them? It's near certain you felt disrespected by somebody else at some point along your path. We all do. What do these feelings mean to you? When people perceive a deficiency of respect, how do they react? Why do they react that way? What does it mean to have self-respect? In this episode, we'll take apart the concept of respect. Look at the roots of it psychologically and suggest ways to build our abilities to manifest and respect for ourselves and others.

Let's start with clarifying our terms so we're all on the same page. When we say respect in the Eye of Power Community, we're talking about recognizing and appreciating the unique value of ourselves and others. Every person has a unique set of attributes, like a fingerprint. We are all one of a kind. That means if we can identify, develop, and apply that specific combination, we can do things in ways nobody else can.

When we cultivate that talent and place it in the service of others, our value grows. This is on top of what many believe is the innate value of human beings, as taught in the Christian tradition. Everyone has this potential. Not everybody actively engages in this work. Nevertheless, that potential has a greater chance of unfolding when respect, especially in the way we're defining it as the value of the central human function is part of the foundation.

As with Aretha, you can choose to demand respect, but how sound is that strategy? How do we demand that people see and appreciate our unique value? A better approach to building the respect we give and receive is being engaged in the continual manifestation of greater skill and knowledge in as many areas of life as we can manage. We don't need glamorous accomplishments. We need to do our best. We don't need millions of dollars. We need to live with the simple elegance of knowing ourselves and others and appreciating the gifts we and others have to give.

Respect means we try. It means we give and receive grace. It means we strive to be better and serve others. Does this describe the state for most of us? Sadly, no. What gets in our way? What goes wrong? One thing is we take quite a beating in life. If not physically, emotionally. As beings of limited perceptive powers, our lot is to learn many of life's lessons the hard way.

Respect means we try. It means we give and receive grace. It means we strive to be better and serve others.

What we mean by that is we experience pain. We talk a lot about pain in the Eye of Power Community. It describes one of the quadrants in the model. It's our ally. Pain is simply a feedback loop that tells us to pay attention, but pain gets a bad rap because it doesn't feel good. It generates negative emotions toward ourselves and others.

We can become hardened, jaded, bitter, cynical, resigned, and distrusting. These emotions are like prison bars. They keep us away from respect for ourselves and others. Why does that happen? Much of the way we respond to stimuli of any kind, our disposition, appears to be coded into DNA. One of the big five personality metrics used by many psychologists is neuroticism, a measure of our predilection for negative emotion.

Yet, the continuum along any trait line is not set and static. Wherever we happen to be, we can work to move in a direction of our choosing. To do so, we must surmount obstacles. In the case of building respect, such obstacles come from our formative experience, how we were parented, who we associated with, our successes and failures, or even the events in the world around us and how we interpreted them.

When we experience respect, it reinforces our self-worth and our predilection to show respect to others. The opposite is also true. It’s like contagion. Disrespect tends to resonate and spread. A disrespectful attitude is very much an illness. Sometimes, it comes from the health of our mental state. It can also go the other way. We become mentally unhealthy because of the disrespect we hold for ourselves or others.

Many of our media, news, opinion, and entertainment is negatively oriented. This is not accidental. Anger and fear are powerful. They cause people to act. They click more and watch more. It's a favorite tool of political players. A classic way people gather political power for themselves is to frighten and anger people to manipulate them and to voluntarily trade their power and autonomy in exchange for safety, security, or redress. It's a game as old as society. What does all that do to foster respect? Let's say there's plenty of room for improvement.

How do we push against these powerful and ancient forces? We can isolate ourselves and retreat from negative people in programming. It's a strategy that can offer relief and give us room to work on building the areas we wish to build. Is it the best strategy? I don't think so. The traits that nurture respect are kindness and understanding. Neglect and abuse erode it. Pulling away is isolationist exclusionary.

It's not a path to the greatest level of respect. We must build strength sufficient to withstand corrosive forces. Self-respect is like a superpower. It acts as an inoculation against all manner of negative influences. We begin by showing understanding and kindness to ourselves. This is not self-indulgence. That's neither kind nor understanding.

Respect: Self-respect is like a superpower. It acts as an inoculation against all manner of negative influences.

It's the valuing of ourselves as we were, are, and will be. It's taking care of ourselves so that we are better positioned to care for others. Systematically working to build skills, substituting productive habits for ones that aren't and expanding the range and quality of our perceptive skills is the best strategy to accomplish this. That's why the Eye of Power exists.

A key to nurturing both self-respect and respect for others is balance. We learn to be neither too easy nor too hard on ourselves and others. The details of what that means differ between people and situations. What's easy on an adult student may be too hard for a toddler. Regardless, we're closer to that balance when we build understanding.

We have a trap to avoid here. We can't want things for other people they don't want themselves. It's a seductive proposition. If they only knew what we knew, they'd want it too. The person, even if they're your child or spouse, has their own walk through life. To respect that, we must approach with a sense of exploration and discovery.

Respect means leaving space. It means engagement. Do you see that? Another axis we must balance. A classic area where whelming people miss the mark of optimal respect is the way we serve others. We take care of children, the elderly, and the infirm. In so doing, we may unwittingly diminish their sense of independence and accomplishment. This stunts growth and even causes harm.

The subtext, intentional or not, says, “I don't have the confidence that you can do this without my help.” This message undermines respect. In some situations, it's a lot to ask. We have to stand by as a loved one struggles, but to build their own respect, they need to accomplish and stretch. An analogous show of respect both toward ourselves and others is not in the tasks we do or don't do, but in the words and thoughts we share. Actively listening to another person is one of the most profound ways we show respect.

Actively listening to another person is one of the most profound ways we show respect.

The subtext of actively listening, which means we are not distracted by the noise of our own agenda or opinion but make it our only goal to understand the totality of what another person is sharing, says, “Nothing matters more to me now than you.” This is a very healthy message for both parties. Sometimes, we don't listen to our own voice. We’re conflicted in ways we don't fully see and appreciate.

This is precisely what the Eye of Power model helps us with. It illuminates the places where this confusion and myopia is born. We can't see our own blind spots, so we need others. That's why we have a mentor structure in the Eye of Power membership. When someone joins, they receive a guide, someone who will help along the journey of positive change.

Thereafter, they, in turn, help another person as a guide. If you want to learn something, teach it to someone else. Anyway, this is a key element. We need others to help us grow in areas we don't currently see clearly. If you've ever felt in the wake of a conversation that you wish you had or hadn't said this or that, building strength and skill in this area can help minimize this effect.

Membership in the Eye of Power Community helps us apply the insights we gain into ourselves over the full spectrum of decisions we make in our lives. Most of us shoot from the hip or we freeze and make the decision not to decide. Both strategies rob us of our full power. Respect for ourselves and others requires that we do better. That's what ties us together here in the Eye of Power Community. Let's go.