The Whole Change Thing
Why bother making changes, especially hard ones? How do we reconcile being okay with who we are yet desiring to be more? We explore these questions in today's episode as we lay the groundwork for our journeys to increased personal power—agency—in our lives.
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The Whole Change Thing
In upcoming episodes, we'll talk about many polarities in paradoxes. This is the nature of the world. It's chock full of opposing forces, dark versus light, down versus up, in versus out, good versus bad, small versus large, slow versus fast, us versus other, order versus chaos, and whole yin versus yang. Our approach to change is subject to the same dynamic. On one hand, we know there are gaps between our current circumstances and our pictures of what we believe to be ideal. We like something about the present. Thus, we feel moved to do what we can to make the changes to bring about a new, better day.
We see this is good because that's what learning, growing, and achieving are all about. It's what leads us to a better future, yet on the other hand, there is wisdom and strength, thus power, to be gained when we observe and accept that all is as it must be. We can picture Zen masters at peace psychologically and physically balanced, yet also accomplished and learned. I don't know about you but to me, these two pictures seem to be mutually exclusive. If everything is as it must be, why should we direct so much energy to change? We also gain power when we accept responsibility and take action to make things better. How might we reconcile that paradox?
We feel moved to do what we can and make changes to bring about a better day. That's what learning, growing, and achieving are all about. On the other hand, there is wisdom and strength, and thus power, to be gained when we observe and accept that all is as it must be.
I have a go-to notion when I think of such things. It seems to help but I must admit that it's both esoteric and hard to grasp. I looked to the nature of time itself. Time fascinates me. Our entire beings, all our thinking, perceptions, and values, are rooted in our linear experience with time. We experience one moment and then the next. Once a moment passes, it appears to us as gone forever.
One of the most poignant moments I've ever experienced at a concert was when The Alan Parsons Project performed their song Time. Singer P.J. Olsson gave a riveting performance, tears streaming down his face and those of many in the audience as he delivered from the bottom of his heart the brilliant lyrics. I'll play a bit for you. Maybe you'll feel what I'm pointing to here.
“Goodbye, my love. The tide waits for me. Who knows when we shall meet again if ever? Time keeps flowing like a river on and on to the sea until it's gone forevermore.” Life's tragedy comes from our perception of time. We experience beginnings and endings. We live in a world of causation. One thing leads to another. I'm not going to play that song, even though it is a great one. As we learn more about the nature of our world, we've learned that this is not the deeper reality. Time is a dimension. It's relative. It changes based on referential States. We think of a beginning to the universe and thus, an end because we can't think any other way.
By the implications of the latest observations in the world of physics, this may be illusory. As much as we can't accept it, there may be no beginning or end. Deeper reality may be beyond the grasp of our limited perceptive powers. What does all that have to do with the changes that matter to us? I see it as a bridge that connects to simultaneous truths. On the one hand, we desire change and that's good. On the other, we do well to accept the realities of our lives and that's good too.
This notion affects our attitudes as we pursue positive change. It can have a relaxing effect. It can open us up to possibility. It can make us less risk-averse and give us grace as we allow for the missteps that we and those around us will inevitably make. We can strive for a better future yet rejoice in the gifts of the present moment. The look of mastery has a calmness about it, a sense of imperturbability balance. It doesn't mean we stop striving. It means that we move forward. We enjoy the day and the process. We stop and smell the roses. We don't fall into the trap of obsession with a never-ending imaginary future.
Change: We can strive for a better future yet rejoice in the gifts of the present moment.
I'm reminded of the rather mediocre yet useful as an illustration, Adam Sandler’s movie Click. His character is given this mystical remote control. It gives him the ability to fast forward his life. At first, he does whenever there's a situation that annoys him. As life continues to disappoint, he finds more and more circumstances to fast forward through. Eventually, he finds he's skipped much of his life. The people around him experience him as disengaged, not present, and going through the motions in the spaces he skipped to avoid the negative emotions that triggered his clicks.
He finds, tragically, that he's robbed himself of all that matters in life. The value of the story is that it reminds us to remain present. That's where life happens. What we label experiences as negative is a necessary part of life. We do well to embrace them if we don't quite welcome them with open arms. A better path for all of us is characterized by an acceptance of the reality that this moment is, “What is solid real?” The future holds myriad possibilities. From our perspective, we never know what that will be.
Experiences we label as negative are a necessary part of life. We do well to embrace them.
Our experience is enhanced when we respect both the present moment and the future, pregnant as it is with possibility. Our lives improve as we learn to take joy in our current skills, relationships, and experiences. It also benefits us when we take joy and what we do that we believe will open new desirable moments to come. My aspiration is that we do this together. As we do, we all speed our progress to manifesting what is real, true, lasting, and valuable within. Those moments when we feel that we do that are very good indeed. We can all use more of them. Let's go.