The Science Of Empathy: Techniques For Building Stronger Relationships Through Emotional Connection
The amount we’ve learned about how our brains work is truly stunning. The science is advancing logarithmically, but our notions and resulting behaviors lag behind. In this episode, we’ll explore those breakthrough notions, specifically in the area of empathy, and what they mean to our work and personal relationships.
Here are a few links to the scientific articles we reference in today’s episode:
Empathy Fatigue: How Stress and Trauma Can Take a Toll on You
Empathy costs: Negative emotional bias in high empathisers
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The Science Of Empathy: Techniques For Building Stronger Relationships Through Emotional Connection
Our brains are one of the most, if not the most, magnificent creations in our world. While true of almost everything we examine, our brain's complexity is particularly astounding. For instance, after centuries of concerted study, it was only a few years ago when another type of neuron was discovered. One whose function largely remains mysterious. By the way, it's the Rosehip neuron.
Many additional never-before-understood aspects of brain function continue to roll in as imaging, computational, and other technologies advance. The world in which we live features accelerating discovery, our brain function being just one domain. To progress towards optimizing our way of life to one where understanding and justice expand and suffering recedes, we must incorporate the resulting insights into the way we think about ourselves.
One of the more perplexing quandaries about brain function is how our interpersonal behaviors are processed and regulated. How and why we connect with other people is a major focus of neuroscientific inquiry. An area of particular interest is the area of empathy. What precisely is it? Why is it there? What are the new discoveries about empathy and how should we react to them if we wish to increase our agency in this world?
These are the questions we will address in this episode. Though empathy is not one specific thing, what we think of as empathy is indispensable and healthy human functioning. Where it lacks, whether we're looking at the personal or societal level, injustice and suffering follow. This holds true in every arena of society from familial homes to schools, hospitals, offices and to the halls of governance.
If we are to maximize our personal power and build the best society we can, we need every bit of empathy we can manage. It used to be conventional wisdom that our empathy was an innate quality. Some people are naturally empathetic while others weren't bestowed that much empathetic capacity. It is true that there is a spectrum of empathy, but that doesn't mean it's fixed.
If we are to maximize our personal power and build the best society we can, we need every bit of empathy we can manage.
Studies in neuroscience have illustrated the ways empathy both grows and declines within us. For example, a paper published in the Journal of General Internal Medicine in 2016 showed the importance of empathetic communication in providing medical care. Anybody who saw the film Patch Adams or is familiar with the real-world doctor who was the movie subject knows how powerful these effects can be.
If you haven't seen the movie, check it out. Robin Williams delivers a fantastic performance in a way only he could manage. The drama in the script mirrored the experience of the real Patch Adams in the sense that he had to fight the medical authorities who worried about the importance of clinical detachment. Patch’s approach was vindicated in his practice as he provided an excellent standard of care and delivered results that exceeded expectations for critical and even terminally ill patients.
However, the licensing board who questioned him had a point too. One of the hazards in any of the caring professions is Empathy Fatigue. People get exhausted, even burnt out. They can become dysfunctional and numb. This can cause a loss of empathy among other undesirable effects. Fear of empathy fatigue is also a limitation of empathy.
The medical profession does its best to mediate these two opposing forces, the need for compassion versus the risks of empathetic overstimulation. Medical training provides reasonably a measurable decrease in empathy. It isn't the only way we see empathy lessons. For instance, studies indicate that empathy declines with drinking. That explains bar fights. More seriously, they also show that empathy falls whenever subjects categorize people in need as an out-group. Some social demarcation causes neural circuitry to consider them other.
Empathy’s function seems to be to the knit-familial or tribal groups. It doesn't appear to be something that was meant to be applied universally. The question then becomes, "If we know how empathy falls, can we do something to build it or perhaps expand it beyond those we already know?" To address that question, we need to look at what we mean by the word empathy and what it describes in our brains and, by extension, our behavior.
For millennia, empathy was thought immutable. We got what we got. We've now established this is not the case. Empathy can be cultivated and it can be destroyed. Is more empathy preferable to less? Yes, and no. We must consider both the positive and negative effects of high empathy if we're to maximize our agency. Empathy is defined as the capacity to vicariously experience what others experience.
Empathy: Empathy can be cultivated, and it can be destroyed.
Usually, we associate it with suffering and pain, but it does go beyond those sensations. Empathy is a precursor and a necessary ingredient to compassion, which is caring for others with sufficient intensity to inspire us to take helpful action. As we just saw, these emotions function as glue to bond disparate individuals together into a more functional and healthier whole. Psychologists positively correlate our level of empathy with trait neuroticism. It is defined as our proclivity and ability to feel a negative emotion.
People who profoundly experience negative emotions are inclined to suffer in other ways. This is why some claim that more empathy is not necessarily better. Within certain rules and situations, that is true, especially when the empathizer struggles with self-other distinction. When that happens, the person not only suffers with the pain of their personal life journey, but also with that of everyone else they encounter. This can prove unsustainable.
Nevertheless, when it comes to understanding others, connecting with others, and serving others, empathy is indispensable. If we avoid the trap of self-other confusion, then it's not clear if there's such a thing as too much empathy. Doctors and therapists rely on support groups to help them process the unusual levels of traumatic pain to which they're exposed. This helps them sustain, even if they're required to endure more pain in their chosen profession than many others. However, people in that position would likely not choose more empathy.
When it comes to interpersonal communication effectiveness, more clarity and connection is an advantage. We've seen how empathy can wane, but what might we do to build it? A previous episode of the show focused on the skills and habits of active listening. Also, paying attention to body language and communication. Both practices nourish our capacity for empathy. Studies indicate that focusing on others is a major component of empathy.
They also show empathy increases with perceived commonality, which makes sense when we consider the origin and purpose of empathy. When we see ourselves or the familiar reflected in another person or when our worldview results in us viewing that person as a part of our own tribe, let's say, our empathy for that person grows.
Conversely, when we see people as other, an out-group, a rival, or someone who poses some manner of threat, our empathy circuitry, which incorporates at least the thalamus, amygdala, the pons area of our brains and translates our thoughts into body language and attitude is short circuited. This all happens in less than 50 milliseconds and, thus, prefaces any conscious reaction.
Nevertheless, it is deleterious for connection and communication and, by extension, relationship. What are the factors that make us feel more threatened and view people as others? One major source is the 24/7 news industry. It's primarily negative. It has devolved into an us versus them partisan narrative. Resultingly, if we wish to increase our empathy, conclusions from studies at the Cleveland Clinic suggest it would be wise to go on a news diet.
I've done that myself and can offer anecdotal testimony that it makes a substantial difference in the areas we're discussing. If you ingest a lot of news content, take a break for a week and see how you feel. Don't worry, the world will still be there when you get back. I'm constantly surprised at how little I miss when I do this exercise, sometimes for months at a time.
In the place of news consumption, we can productively fill that void by seeking new perspectives and experiences. These are important ways to build our empathy because we expand our basis of commonality with others while we build our comfort with the new and different. We build the set of people we consider in and we reduce the set of people we consider out. Remember, since the empathy circuits kick in, before we react consciously, it is this self-conditioning that's necessary to move the needle in a positive direction.
Another action we can take is related to the disciplines of paying attention in the matter of active listening or attending to body language. Dr. Helen Riess, author of The Science of Empathy, stresses the importance of self-empathy and what she calls perspective-taking. It’s because as we saw, much of the mechanism of empathy happens prior to our conscious decision-making apparatus. It re-stresses the importance of proactively creating the conditions of connections.
Much of the mechanism of empathy happens prior to our conscious decision-making apparatus.
Enter perspective-taking and self-empathy. We do better in these areas through a practice of reflection and meditation. Many people experience good results by regularly attending church services. Meditation, yoga, and other disciplines that require quieting the mind and expanding our worldviews also support our development in these areas. It's easier for some.
Some people are born matchers. They look for commonalities, what's right and good in situations, and how they might connect to others in a wide range of circumstances. While that doesn't necessarily mean matchers have high empathy, the path to building it is clear. Then there's the mismatchers. They do the opposite. Mismatchers can nourish their empathy through a conscious effort to look for commonalities. We call this cognitive empathy. It's a good place to start to experiment for not only empathy reasons, but it's likely to pay other dividends, too.
Studies of empathy at the Cleveland Clinic resulted in advice as well. Their conclusions were threefold. They emphasized awareness, balance, and connection to help us avoid the things that short circuit are empathy. These concepts are familiar to Eye of Power practitioners. Components of the Eye of Power model include making the distinction between judgment, necessary if we're to have integrity and values, and condemnation, which expels people with opposing viewpoints.
Another is the incredible personal power we enjoy as we build our courage. In this case, we're talking about the courage to be vulnerable and to remain open even when something is new, strange, or even if a person seems somehow threatening. This is the courage of the Shambhala Warrior. The willingness to be vulnerable, lead with a heart, take emotional risks, and remain open. Along with honesty, courage is a fundamental building block to all virtue and thus, we can consider it a necessary starting place for our development.
One human phenomenon that gets in our way is self-criticism. While it is necessary to be aware of our limitations in the areas we should improve, too much self-criticism is noise. It creates a barrier to building virtue. That's the balance piece recommended by the Cleveland Clinic. Connection is what all this is about. It's the source of purpose in our lives.
While we can get that from serving one person, perhaps a son or a daughter, our lives and theirs are much richer when we expand that circle of concern. Society improves, too. If we're to gain the full extent of our personal power, we must set our sights on getting things right within us and around us. Let's go.
Important Links
Rosehip neuron – Article
Empathy Costs: Negative Emotional Bias in High Empathisers – Article
Empathy Fatigue: How Stress and Trauma Can Take a Toll on You – Article
The Science of Empathy – Article