The Power Of People

What is your attitude toward people? How does it serve you? How does it serve them? Today, we'll talk about our view of others and what we might do to make us more effective with others.

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The Power Of People

People. What comes to your mind when you hear that word? Is the image positive or is it negative? Our attitude toward people is a massive determining factor in how we make our way through this world. That attitude is not a stagnant set thing. We all grow through a range regarding how gregarious, generous, jaded, jealous, trusting, or guarded we may feel. People give us reason to feel the full spectrum of emotion but let me ask you something. What is the rosier scenario between these two mindsets?

Mindset A, “Nobody takes advantage of me, ever. I won't let them. People know me, but they only know that part I allow them to see. Coworkers are coworkers. We don't have to be friends. If someone doesn't meet my standards, I don't spend my time with them. It's quality over quantity when it comes to socializing.” How much can you relate to that? If not, maybe the next one will be closer to the mark.

Mindset B, “A stranger is just a friend I haven't yet met. Everybody has value and it's my job to see what it is so I can acknowledge it. I give people the benefit of the doubt and I'm an open book. Sure, people disappoint me all the time and some have burnt me bad. Still, I see why they did what they did and I'm still here wiser and stronger for the experience.” Is that closer for you?

Either way, our underlying attitudes determine the style we should use to cultivate a more powerful attitude toward people. It's worth looking at because our lives taken just by ourselves without the context of other people don't mean much. I've been a student of the human condition for my entire adult life. Maybe you can relate to that.

Anyway, as far as I can tell, here's the deal with people. Everybody is a genius and an idiot. It depends on how you catch them. Everybody is capable of angelic and demonic behavior. Again, it depends on how you catch them. Most of the time, people are somewhere in between. We're going through our days mostly on autopilot. What I mean by that is we're doing things and reacting to circumstances based upon the habits and mental patterns that happened to get embedded in our brains through both genetics and experience.

Everybody is a genius and an idiot. It depends on how you catch them.

What we're not typically doing is being fully present in the moment, listening with the intention to connect with other people, and operating with a conscious connection to purpose. This includes you and me. Regardless of whether we fall closer to Mindset A or Mindset B, step one in the direction of more power when it comes to getting things done through cooperation with other people is this. We need to increase our mindfulness. We need to cultivate our connection with purpose.

“Is that all, Tom? Why didn't anybody tell me sooner? Done.” Yes, I get it. It’s easier said than done. It's a lifelong pursuit. It's one of life's biggest challenges, but it's also where life's biggest rewards live. All I'll say is this. It's worth the effort. It's the first order of business for all of us. More accurately, it's the process we all must attend if we wish to maximize our agency in this world and live life more fully expressed.

As this relates to our attitude toward people, there's more to talk about. Let's look at the first example of Mindset A. What are the advantages here? If we don't let people in, they can't hurt us in an intimate way. That's an advantage. If we don't trust them, we're a tougher target for people with predatory behaviors. Another advantage is if we maintain high standards and don't associate with people who engage in behaviors that are harmful in some way, we eliminate a negative influence.

After all, it was Jim Rohn who famously observed when it comes to earning power, we gravitate in the direction of the five people with whom we spend the most time. There is of course variance, but there is something to this. We humans are products of our environment. When we want to change ourselves, it makes sense to change our environment including our associations. This extends beyond money. Our associations influence our health habits, how we think, and even how happy we feel.

Power Of People: We are products of our environment. When we want to change ourselves, it makes sense to change our environment, including our associations.

Perhaps the biggest advantage of Mindset A is that we're well-positioned to curate our social circle to make sure, at the very least, we aren't unconsciously dragged down by somebody else's foibles. How about the advantages of Mindset B? With an attitude of acceptance, we certainly position ourselves to have a wide range of people with whom we can meaningfully connect.

We may enjoy a deeper level of intimacy when we're open with other people. Our relationships may not only be more numerous but also stronger and more connected. We might be positioned to help people who need us and who are struggling. The advantage of that is we can better position ourselves to serve. What about the disadvantages? Mindset A taken to the extreme leaves us alone utterly. We could feel like nobody knows us. Nobody cares that much about us.

We haven't let anybody in because we haven't found anybody who wouldn't pose a risk because everybody is flawed. Everybody fails and one thing or another. We hurt people we care about. Most often unintentionally, but still. If we want to fully protect ourselves from what others can do to harm us, nobody is truly safe. Life is risky in this way. If we want to be fulfilled and happy, we must accept that risk. Distrusting and distancing seem safer, but it's not, at least, in the long run.

If we take Mindset B to the extreme, we spread ourselves too thin. If we try to be friends with everyone, we don't leave enough to invest in the people closest to us. If we trust everyone, we become defenseless against the small percentage of people who look to take advantage wherever they can. If we're not judicious about who we spend our time with, we may unknowingly be pulled away from the direction we intend to grow.

Whichever of these two mindsets might better describe us, what would be the next step to increase our personal power and effectiveness? One action we can take is to intentionally move more in the direction of the other one. If you identify as a Mindset A person, examine how you judge people. Standards are of course good but condemnation is not.

I'll put a challenging question out there. What are you so afraid of? It's worth the effort to look. If you identify as a Mindset B person, look at how you're spending your time with other people. Pick a few. The ones close to you and consider this. Is this person filling me or draining me? If the former, resolve to spend more time together. If the latter, perhaps consider spending less time. Here's something we can all do regardless of whether we identify with Mindset A, B, or neither.

Think of people in your past who represented an exchange of real lasting value. A way to know that is who you think about frequently. When was the last time you connected with that person? Maybe it's time to reach out. Maybe you can even be systematic about it. Here's something to give a try. List five people whom you know it would be beneficial in whatever way that might be to reconnect with. Resolve to reach out to them before the weekends. Set up a time to talk in person, if possible, but video chat if not within the next three weeks.

Take notes, like journal entries after each conversation. How did it feel? If something shifted, what was it? What might you do to keep moving in this direction if it feels like a positive one? Let's get real. People are a pain in the ass. They don't pay attention to traffic. They don't stay on task. They root for the wrong team. They are too wrapped up in themselves but people are the greatest gift in the world. People give our lives meaning.

People are the greatest gift in the world. People give our lives meaning.

Connecting soul to soul with a person, you seeing them and them seeing you is among the greatest sources of joy and happiness in all of human experience. Love does indeed make the world go around, at least, when it comes to the things we humans care about. Our personal business is how we show that love and how we deliver value to the people we encounter.

Your answer to that doesn't fit into a box. It's unique to you and that's why in the end, people are the most beautiful thing in the world. Also, whatever our mindset, style, and how we interact and engage with people, they deserve our love. It's up to us to refine its shape and form and how we show it. Also, how we enrich people in the way only we can. Let's go.