The Christmas Episode
Happy Holidays! If they're not happy for you, is it in your power to change that? What could you possibly do? In today's episode, we look at five steps to turn pouts into shouts - of joy, peace, and fulfillment.
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Listen to the podcast here
The Christmas Episode
The holidays mean so much to so many in so many different ways. Ostensibly, it's about connection, love, joy, and the possibility of redemption, and that is indeed the experience for millions of people around the world. There are many, however, for whom this tune rings hollow. For many, the holidays serve more as reminders of loss and disappointment than anything else.
There is something around which we can unite. We can all recognize this as a season of heightened emotion. We exchange gifts to show our love but we also exchange gifts out of a sense of obligation. Christians celebrate the birth of the Savior, and so many fail to live by the lessons Jesus taught. In the consumer-driven economics of the past century or so, Christmas translates into revenue. Many people take their vacation time during this time of year and entire businesses come very close to grinding halts.
This time of year is disruptive, regenerative, poignant, and musical. It's filled with heartache as the traditions in which we participate also warm hearts. It drives us crazy and gives us shelter from the storm. Many people feel that they would be better off without the holiday season. They look around them at the people who rejoice in their blessings, look forward to the gathering of countless loved ones, decorate their homes to perfection, prepare flawless meals and treats, pick the perfect gifts, pay for those gifts without incurring debt or hardship, and see a bar that seems nearly impossible to reach.
Rather than feeling joyous themselves, they feel somehow less than. This is BS. To say it more generously, it's a feeling that doesn't serve us well. It's a trap into which we can easily fall. That's due to the archetypical emotion of envy. It's listed as one of the seven deadly sins for good reason. Envy is a thief. It steals our peace and our joy. Social media amplifies its effects and its ability to erode our power. We tend to share the things we're excited about and avoid posting things that would criticize or cause unnecessary harm to ourselves and others, anonymous trolling aside.
Christmas: Envy is a thief. It steals our peace and our joy. Social media amplifies its effects and its ability to erode our power.
The picture we see on our streams, no matter the platform, is not reality. This further distorts how we view others. Nobody lives perfect Hallmark lives without disappointment and pain, at least not for long. Besides, even if they did, the truth is it doesn't matter. The experiences of others are our business only so far as we can learn and help. Their good fortune does not come at the cost of our own. Their lives, like ours, are functions of the uncountable decisions we make over days and years.
Some of the cards we're dealt are our doing. Others are the genetic lottery and results of social tectonics but we feel bad about the joys, triumphs, achievements, and fortune of others only when we pull out that ugly yardstick. We compare ourselves to others with an attitude of condemnation, either of them or ourselves. This is not only arbitrarily shortsighted. It does nobody any good.
Our power lies in the opposite direction. It's not what we don't have that matters. It's what we do. If we have lost someone dear to us, we do them more honor when we remember what we love about them and how they made our lives better. We don't serve them when we focus on their absence in our lives. That is always more about us than it is about them. When we feel bad about the holidays or anything else for that matter, what are we supposed to do to turn it around? How do we exert our power to improve our experience when we feel that life has dealt us an unjust turn?
It’s not what we don’t have that matters. It’s what we do.
My answer has five sequential steps. Here they are. Step 1) Reframing. Framing is another way to describe the process of changing our perspective. It's the old glass half-empty or half-full bromide. It may be cliché but there is power there. If we're feeling alone on a holiday, our perspective will change if we go out and serve someone who is in more need than we are.
We could visit someone in a home who also has no family to visit and is feeling especially lonely. It's hard to feel despondent as we bring joy to another person. Whenever we feel down, we can usually improve our state by simply serving somebody else. It's especially powerful when we use our special talents and abilities to do so.
Step 2) Take inventory of every tragedy. At least for those who are still alive and able in its wake, there are seeds of wisdom, insight, and value. Everything that happens has elements, characteristics, and consequences that can be considered both negatively and positively. We don't seek tragedy. We don't wish for pain and suffering but like the surprised Grinch saw Christmas come for the Who's in Whoville despite the fact that he had stolen all the gifts and trimmings, life brings it nonetheless. What's important is what we do with the cards we're dealt, and that process starts with a realistic and rational view of what those cards are.
What do we know that can help others? What can we do as a result of our trials? For what do we have a burning passion that would otherwise hold inconsequential meaning for us? Who can we better identify with? We can do something like a SWOT analysis for ourselves. We can inventory our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats or risks. When we do this, it can lead directly to the next step of nurturing our personal power when we feel it's at a low.
Step 3) Build a sense of purpose. With powerful framing and a detailed picture of the unique gifts, skills, insights, and abilities we can bring to others, we may also find something else is nurtured within our hearts. We can feel a renewed sense of purpose. This is like gasoline in an internal combustion engine. It gives us our energy. Energy is required to get work of any kind done. Extra energy gets us past the inevitable obstacles that block our path once we set out on the next two steps.
Step 4) Make a plan. Once we acquire and build a sense of purpose, this step is a natural extension. It becomes easier because our purpose pushes us to take whatever steps are needed to fulfill our mission. When we lack purpose, planning becomes more difficult. When I help people at this stage, my guidance is always in the direction of fanning the flames of purpose, especially before we develop any detailed plan to reach a desired goal.
Christmas: Our purpose pushes us to take whatever steps are needed to fulfill our mission.
Once that goal transforms in the person's mind from, "It would be nice if," to, "I won't stop until I make it happen," my work is nearly done. I can help by recommending a shortcut here or a resource there but the plan is an extension of purpose. The other nugget I can offer is that all plans should include dynamic steering. That's my fancy phrase for learning as we go, which brings us to the final step.
Step 5) Take action. Some people are great planners. They can plan. They can create spreadsheets, Venn diagrams, and flow charts and plot mounds of research in front of you. Those things are all valuable but they're nothing compared to action. Life is not a theory. A theory is helpful in that it improves the quality of our decision-making. It helps us more powerfully frame the pertinent dynamics as we pursue a passion and serve others but it's always lacking because we don't know what we don't know, and the only way to find that out is by doing.
We don't know what we don't know, and the only way to find that out is by doing.
The best strategy here seems to be related to the 80/20 rule. You complete about 80% of the plan and then launch into action. The rest will fill in as we go. As soon as we act, we feel our power increase. Keep on pushing through the inevitable obstacles, and that power grows. It's awfully hard to feel down when we experience the momentum of such growth.
That's it. Those are five steps to help you if you happen to be feeling down this Christmas season. These will help any time of year whenever we may feel down or less than. I hope that's not the case for you. I wish for you the happiest of holiday seasons. I hope your New Year is the beginning of the most fulfilling year of your life, and I believe that all of that is mostly up to you but it's more fun when we do stuff together. We go faster when we learn from others with experience, wisdom, and perspective. For that reason, I hope you take these steps toward more power, which then results in greater peace and fulfillment for you and those around you. I hope we do this together. Let's go.