Are You Good?
When someone asks you if you're “good,” what comes to your mind? In today's episode, we look into what we mean by good and what actions we might take to be in a position to answer yes - no matter what is meant when somebody asks us.
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Are You Good?
Are you good? How do you interpret that question? Consider two ways. In the more casual case is a simple check-in, it means we want to know if you're okay. There aren't obvious urgent issues. It's usually asked when something is happening that we think could cause discomfort, angst, or even harm. We're asking if you're healthy and at peace.
The second way we might mean the question is, “Are you a good person?” People don't ask it that way very much. Most of the time, it's simply assumed, but either way, we take the question. Our response is a function of how we think of the word good. What is good? It's a simple question. The answer can be anything, but maybe we're like Bill Murray's character, Dr. Peter Venkman, in the movie Ghostbusters.
The three Ghostbusters are on the scene of their first mission to capture a real ghost. They chase it around a beautiful old hotel using their special proton accelerators and corner it in the grand ballroom. Egon says, “There's something important I forgot to tell you. Don't cross the streams.” Venkman asks, “Why?” Egon says, “It would be bad.” Venkman replies, “I'm fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing. What do you mean bad?” Egon explains, “Try to imagine all life as you know it, stopping instantaneously in every molecule in your body, exploding at the speed of light.” Ray realizing total platonic reversal. Venkman says, “That's bad. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.”
Deadly or harmful conditions we label as bad. We were also prone to labeling unpleasant, inconvenient, or surprising developments as bad too. Sometimes, that proves to be the case. Other times, what we first thought of as a bad thing brings benefits that, in the long run, change our perspective and cause us to reconsider. It's often wiser to be slower to label events or developments either good or bad. The concept is not new.
It's often wiser to be slower to label events or developments as either good or bad.
One of the most famous Chinese proverbs addresses this thing. The story is called Sai Weng and his horse. It goes like this. Sai Weng lived on the border. He raised horses for a living. One day, he lost one of his prized horses. After hearing of the misfortune, his neighbor felt sorry for him and came to comfort him, but Sai Weng simply asked, “How can we know it is not a good thing for me?” After a while, the lost horse returned with another beautiful horse. The neighbor came over again and congratulated Sai Weng on his good fortune. Sai Weng simply asked, “How could we know it is not a bad thing for me?”
One day, his son went out for a ride with the new horse. He was violently thrown from the horse and broke his leg. The neighbors once again expressed their condolences to Sai Weng, but Sai Weng simply said, “How can we know it's not a good thing for me?” One year later, the emperor's army arrived at the village to recruit all able-bodied men to fight in the war. Because of his injury, Sai Weng's son could not go off to war and was spared from certain death.
Let’s go back to the initial question. Most people, not everyone, consider themselves a good person. What do we mean when we say that? Often, we're sympathetic to our perspectives and objectives. We rationalize the decisions we make and cast them in a positive light. We see our flaws and forgive them. When we don't, it makes it hard to maintain a self-image as a good person. Sometimes, we think in terms of our intentions. We didn't do something that we thought we should, but we meant well. That gives us enough standing to label ourselves as good. Is this right? Is it simply not intending to harm the same thing as being good? Perhaps not.
Let's take a closer look. What makes something good? A pen is good when it writes. We say it's not a good pen when it doesn't. If it's comfortable in our hand as we write along a passage, we think of it as a good pen. If we get compliments about how it looks, we also think of it as good. If it fails in these ways or breaks easily, we might think of it as bad.
The word good is therefore correlated with something that fulfills its function and does it well. When something fails to serve, we say it's bad. We can use that lens for self-evaluation. We can say we're good as we fulfill our purpose. When we don't, it doesn't necessarily make us a bad person. We differ from objects. We could be a good person who is perhaps a bit off track. Remember that slow-to-label wisdom nugget. That's especially useful when considering people, ourselves included. That's because we don't know the future. We don't know if a path is necessary or a dead end. This further complicates the task of discerning good and bad.
Robert Hartman was a German émigré who opposed the rise of Hitler and Nazism and fled his home country before he would've been arrested and become one more of the millions of victims of the Holocaust. He was abhorred by the concentration camps and dedicated his life to the study of formal axiology, the study of value. He was a brilliant philosopher, psychologist, and teacher and is even credited for laying the intellectual foundation for the creation of the 401(k) retirement plan.
Another of his accomplishments is this. He may have successfully answered the question, “What is good?” For this work, he was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. His legacy continues now as his methods are used in psychometric tools. For more information about his work, you can check out the Robert S. Hartman Institute.
His approach is characterized by understanding the truth, meaning, and context of ideas, objects, and phenomena. Our ability in this regard determines the level of our acumen and how we view the world around us and ourselves in it. I use this instrument quite often in my work to help people better appreciate the ways they can advantageously develop. It reveals the details of how we might answer the question, “Are you good?” We're better when we have more of our personal power than when we don't. That means we're better when we're clear about who we are, how we serve, and what our limits may be.
Goodness: We're better when we have more of our personal power than when we don't. That means we're better when we're clear about who we are, how we serve, and what our limits may actually be.
We're good when we're healthy. We need energy to function as we're designed, don't we? Unfortunately, many of us are not near that ideal. According to the CDC, 23% of Americans over twenty years of age were obese in 1962. The latest figures are nearly 43%. I'm not trying to fat shame anybody, but the fact is if you're obese, you do not have optimal energy. The time span where Americans went from roughly a quarter of the population to nearly half corresponds closely with the years I've been alive.
The physical difference in people now versus when I was a kid is now stark. Why do you suppose this has happened? The answer is complicated. It might have something to do with the fact that, on average, Americans consume 152 pounds of sugar per person per year. I don't know. It seems like a lot to me. I cite obesity rates because they are the most visible and dramatic example of how we have plenty of room to improve our personal power.
It's an example of how, in important ways, we're not good. This doesn't mean that an obese person is not a good person. That's not my point. It does mean that the person is likely not the best version of themselves. They're paying a high price, and it's costing the world all that value that the best version of that person could contribute. It may be a necessary part of their path to purpose. We are wise to withhold labels.
Another deeper truth is we're all works in progress. Most of us could do better with the care of our bodies, and that's step one. It's an important one in our path to personal power because of the whole, “Before assisting others, first place the oxygen mask on yourself,” strategy. We can only do what we can when we're hampered, and the set of possibilities shrinks.
If proper physical care is step one, what remains after that? It's our mentality. In truth, the two are intertwined. Our mentality affects how we take care of ourselves, and some mindsets help us do better than others. Therefore, we think that the unseen part of the iceberg is 90% of the equation under the water. That's where our power resides.
The way we think is that unseen part of the iceberg. It's the 90% of the equation under the water. That's where our power resides.
If we're not good, we're at least heading in that direction when we're actively working to improve our mentality. For all of us, we have ideas and ideals that no longer serve us the way they may have been when we adopted them. Since they don't function properly, we can call them bad. We grow wiser and build our personal power. When we remove these weeds from our minds, how do we do that?
I'll conclude with an answer to that question. Spend time with people who are intentionally doing that. This is one of the primary benefits we're trying to create in the Eye of Power community. Keep in touch, be in the conversation, be open, and be willing to reconsider your suppositions. Are you good? Yes, you are, and no, you're not. Let's make it a solid yes together. Let's go.